I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
