4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
