i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We have started to decorate penises.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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