remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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