And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
