Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
