You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
