I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
