walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
