who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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