Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
