If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
