I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
