thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
