How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
