Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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