So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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