Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
