In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
