the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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