fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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