dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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