last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
