Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
