can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
