I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
