I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
