Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
