During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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