What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
