His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
