her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
