Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
