i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
