Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she smelled like a LAN party
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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