Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
two words: eviction party
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
