Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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