Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
