My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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