apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
