What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
