i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
