I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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