OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
