she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
