what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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