You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
