Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
