Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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