alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
God I need to hump something, right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
