I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
do nipples grow back?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
