Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
