your thong is hanging out like whoa
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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