she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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