apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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