Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
